[HoE] Deadlands- The Far Out West Tombstone Epitaph's Guide pt.1

[PJB333@aol.com]

(big letters)  THE TOMBSTONE EPITAPH'S GUIDE TO THE FAR OUT WEST

First, a preface by Alastair Burtson, the editor

Ehhh? What are you doing disturbing my nap! You want info on the Far Out 
West? Bah, I remember the day when a 122-year-old man could sleep in peace! 
No, and I don't mean 6 feet under!

Hey! Get out of here old man!

Ehh, let me sleep! 

Mr.Clum, this is my house! Out!

Ohhh, fine. I'll go lapse into a coma again.

Sorry for the interruption. That was John Clum, a former editor back in the 
days of the "Wierd West". As you can guess, he's now old and senile. I'm 
Alastair Burtman, editor of the Tombstone Epitaph. This book in your hands is 
our guide to so called "Far Out West". For more than 100 years, we've been 
giving you the facts about the evil and supernatural things going on in the 
world. This is our edition for the fine year of 1968. 

For those who don't read this fine publication as often as you should, don't 
feel threatend by our heading. We say "Beleive it or else!" as a caution to 
those who don't heed our warnings about the odd things in the world. Many who 
haven't now are in graveyards around the nation. So, Believe it, or Else!!

THE POLITICAL SITUATION
By Dexter Geeves

Hello one and all! My close aquatince, Mr.Burtman, has assigned me to cover 
the politicval situation, and boy, is it a doozie! In case you're not in the 
know like me, Barry Goldwater is President of the Confederate States of 
America, and boy, is he wierd! With all his anti-communist stuff, I'm 
suprised he hasn't already nuked Russia! Hubert Humphery is President in the 
United States of America. Both are allied against Communism, and both are 
fighting in Vietnam together. The war has been going on for a very long time, 
and what if it becomes nuclear! Geez!
The elections this year should be interesting. In the South, Barry Goldwater 
is up against Richard Nixon, the Senator from SoCal (there are some rumors 
about black magic in his campaign. I don't believe it!), and Lyndon Johnson, 
a Democrat from Texas. In the North, Hubert Humphrey, Robert F. Kennedy and 
Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown compete for the Democratic spot, while the Republicans 
are struggling to find a candidate. Bob Dole And Spirew T. Agnew seem likely 
candidates. In the Election Edition of the Epitaph, you'll find out more.
This is Dexter Geeves, signing out!

Next- Tombstone Epitaph's Guide to the Far Out West, part 2

Peter Berard
The Jolly Gringo