[HOE] KYRD, Junkyard News

[Richard A Ranallo <toadpooka@juno.com>]

<To My Players: Here's what happened after last session.  We'll deal with
it at the next meeting>
<To The HoE List: This is a little major media event that went on in my
campaign, and could be good background info for any other games>

Hello again, Yarders!  This is Polly Gonzo reporting on the bizarre
events at last night's Pit match.  Strangely enough, though, the real
action happened long before the main event was scheduled.  In fact, the
Monster Match between the Denver Boots and the immature Salt Rattler that
Ahab Ishmael and crew captured on the flats last week had to be canceled,
due to  Jammer investigations.  For those of you who tuned in to the
match late, don't worry!  Dukes of Hazzard reruns won't be pre-empting
Pit matches on a regular basis!  KYRD will be broadcasting  the full
show, as soon as the JM's are done snooping around!
For the lucky folks who weren't in the stands when the Sludge hit the
fan, here's a brief play-by play (though you'd be better off tuning in
for the whole show!).  While most fans were still filing in to their
seats, a Force match was warming up between two completely (or so we
thought!) unknown fighters.  For those of you who haven't seen one of
these (and why not?!), Force works like this: much like any other Pit
fight, two guys run in from opposite sides of the ring and fight it out,
no holds or weapons barred.  But in Force, the goal isn't to knock your
enemy out, you've got to bodily drag him through the door he came out of.
 Which means some of these guys can win just by being BIG!  And big they
are! Cap'n Thule, the "2-ton Teuton", and one-time Force champ, weighed
in at a whopping 356 lbs of pure, unaugmented, unmutated muscle before
his remains were found in the alley behind the Ledge (Apparently, he was
host to fifteen Prairie Ticks at once, and none of them knew the others
were even there!).
The 'casters announced the Force contestants, both registered as
unaugmented norms.  The first was Roy Invincible, who cut a dashing image
strutting into the ring with streak-dyed hair and with his acrobatic,
Casey Jonesi fighting style, with paired cricket bat and sharpened hockey
stick.  The second was introduced as Jack Bootz, wielding only a baseball
bat and a deadly secret.
The fight began like most others, the two combatants pussyfooting around
each other, with dummy swings and false kicks left and right.  Roy won
over the crowd early on by chucking the cricket bat over his shoulder and
facing "Bootz" with his bare knuckles.  But the tone of the match changed
not soon after.  A battering in the forehead (with his own bat!) sent
Bootz somersaulting into the dust, looking dazed.  While doubled over in
a fetal position, the wounded fighter ripped his own shirt straight off
his back, which is the usual signal that the real battle is about to
begin (and that signal was no less true last night!).  The crown was
amazed to see the Pit fighter's back light up like a vidscreen, simply
displaying the word "DOOM" in giant letters right on his skin (Could this
indicate a link between the assailant and the Cult of Doom?  Ed Anger
will vent on this tonight after this report!).  Bootz stood up, faced up
toward the crowd, and his face changed right in front of everyone's eyes,
revealing that he was not an unknown at all, but in fact, the infamous
heel BLACK ANDY, cyborg scourge of the Pit!
Andy was banished from the Yard two years ago, after a tenuous
manslughter conviction at the gavel of Judge Tolliver.  The Black Death,
as he was once known, drove an 18-inch cyberspur through the stomach of
Helena Handbasket while she was reportedly unarmed.  The case seemed to
be open-and-shut, but Andy's lawyers said that Helena had unregistered
cyber claws, and was, in fact, armed.  But proof was hard to find, since
Helena's body was immediately reclaimed by Doc Edna for recovery of
hardware.  That, combined with the recorded comments made by Black Andy
concerning Edna and her "patients," was enough to convince the Judge that
there was a motive for the death. (But why was Andy banished and not
executed?  Conspiracy Sal has his POV at hour 1700, here on KYRD!)  Andy
was sent out to the desert, and branded with the forehead J, which
supposedly meant he couldn't get back in the city.  
But, as Bill Shakespeare himself once said, "All the world's a Pit, and
the fight must go on!"  Roy Invincible took this to heart, but wised up
and pulled the hockey stick on his seemingly-superior enemy.  Besides not
being augmented in any way, Roy was disadvantaged by his own lungs and
heart.  Black Andy is also a deader, and you all know how hard it is to
make THEM fall!  But Roy Invincible lived up to his name, and eventually
managed to take this titanium terror down by concentrating his moves on
Andy's right knee.  Dead or alive, the heel couldn't fight without a leg
to stand on, and he had to submit.
The crowd erupted in cheers, and the few who bet on Roy were the loudest
hooting of them all.  But the cheers soon turned to screams, as
overstimulated fans hopped the wall into the Pit floor itself.  The
Jammers who were waiting in the wings to pounce on Black Andy as soon as
the match ended were swamped by the rioting patrons and were unable to
capture the errant gladiator.
What might have been a good-spirited sports riot quickly turned ugly, as
gunshots echoed through the Pit.  Sports fans raced for the exits, in
order to escape the hot lead hail that came down on them from nowhere. 
In minutes, Jammers were able to get the situation under control, and
evacuated the few rioters left.  So far, neither Black Andy or the
mysterious gunmen have been found, and Jammers say that there is a 1000
widget reward out for the live capture of Black Andy, and one quarter of
that for his head alone.
As for the mysterious Roy Invincible, no sightings have been reported so
far.  Numerous businesses around town have already come out offering free
goods, food and "services" if Roy would come by for a chat and a public
endorsement.  So far, only a large number of Roy's friends and second
cousins have shown up to respond to such offers.  In fact, rumor has it
that Doc Edna herself, upon learning that Roy was 100% meat, is
considering a sponsorship deal of her own.  Could this lead to another
feud between Black Andy and the friends of Edna?
Tune in to the fights next week for the possible return of both Roy
Invincible AND Black Andy, only on KYRD!!!
________________________________________________________________
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