Re: [DL] PEG Pony Express

[Soothsprayer <hercubadger@yahoo.com>]

--- "Ashman, Joel" <jea2@c-cor.com> wrote:
> Maybe banditos robbed the Pony Express.  Or the
> South has a blockade in
> place against shipments north of the Mason-Dixon
> Line.  

Dear sir,

As any well educated man (or well educated woman but
then you run the risk of them jabbering at you all day
and night about their education as if they need to
prove verbatim their qualifications, but I digress)
can tell you : the only true-sure fire-work first
time-when it absolutely needs to be there-method of
delivery is a giant steam-catapult.

The fancy pants so called experts with their unstained
white coats (unstained I tell you, like they’ve never
been used I say!) poo-poo giant catapults and instead
want you to risk your precious valuables with their
cannons and other such gibbered nonsense. Bah I say!
Bah, bah, and bah again while I wiggle my mustache
mockingly towards them like a well dressed walrus on
pharmaceuticals.

If giant catapults were acceptable for my
great-great-great grandpappy to fling the disease
infected corpses of his former servants over the walls
of those thrice damned Frogs, then it’s all fine and
dandy for them to deliver mail to the commoners in the
colonies!

Of course giant catapults have come a long way since
the days of my many times removed grandpappy. We’re
not barbarians down here in the colonies you know. We
giant catapult engineers have moved with the times
like everyone else. My dearly departed Uber-grandpappy
would be ever so chuffed if he could see the massive
ghost rock burning giant steam catapult that is
regularly used to deliver the mail around these parts.
How his sole remaining eye (foolish rubber band
accident during one of those little local chappy
uprisings in the Dark Lands) would almost but not
completely, as one must keep up appearances in the
gentry, tear up in trouser expanding pleasure as we of
the New Zealand Mail Delivery Corp fling our charges
over to lands foreign. 

Forget the Pony Express, no scientist could indulge
such a technologically deprived method of information
dispersal. Never! Such a method is easily interfered
with by the lower classes and unbridled savages. Far
better just to throw your wares out the front door at
sunset and be done with it. But a giant steam
catapult, let us see the painted savage who could
intercept such a cargo in flight eh?

So sir. I say this to you. Next time you wish to
receive goods on time and even now and again on
target, order via giant steam catapult and you won’t
be sorry.

Regards,
Samuel E. Gadworth.
Head Steam Catapult Engineer
Royal New Zealand Mail Delivery Corp. 


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