[pyrnet] CHAT: Song

["Barb Bowes" <bamb@monmouth.com>]

I received this on another list. According to the poster, it was
sung at an Ian Dunbar Seminar, but she did not know the author of
the song. Personally, I think it is priceless!

Barb Bowes

If I Only Had Been Trained (sung to the tune of the Wizard of Oz,
"If I only had a Brain ")

If Iıd gone to puppy classes, Iıd not have chewed your glasses
Or caused you such great pain
Oh I woulda been a good dog and I coulda been a good dog
If I only had been trained

I would not be just a nothinı my mouth all full of stuffinı From
your new couch and your chair
Iıd behave -- you must believe me
Donıt you know youıre sıposed to leave me
In my crate when youıre not there

Chorus
Oh gee, Iım running free -- I slipped out of the door
You can chase me but youıll never catch me Ocause
You have two legs - but I have four!

Iıve been all alone for hours, your plants are missing flowers
Your socks are rearranged
Iıve been just so very busy, itıs enough to make you dizzy
You  should really have me trained

I could dig my way to China or at least to Carolina
When Iım left outside too long
Iım your little Rover-Tiller and the neighbor Mr. Miller
Thinks you should have stuffed my kong

You thought that I was lonely, would be better if you only
Got another pup
Time unsupervised was ample so I served as his example
Now thereıs twice as much torn up!

Chorus
Take a look at all these books
Puppy Training 101
I know you wonıt believe it but they say
Living with me - could be real fun

And in terms of my housetraining, I wish youıd stop complaining
And get out of my face
Oh my breath will just amaze ya, Iıve developed copraphagia
Iıve been cleaning up the place

They say that Iıll get bigger and it only goes to "figger"
Your troubles will grow too
You could teach me while Iım little, what to chew and where to
piddle
And then youıd be happy too.

There could never be another, your sister or your brother
Whoıd love you more than I
For a dog Iıd be classy, I could be another Lassie
All you have to do is try

Chorus
Picture me - obediently - sitting by your side
I would never dump the trash or chase the cat
Iıd be so good - OK, I lied!

Thereıs a moral to this story, I could be your pride and glory
My behavior well maintained
I would not be a disaster, you could be a better master
If youıd only get me trained!