[pyrnet] Dog Show Humor

["Barb Bowes" <bamb@monmouth.com>]

Received on another list.

Barb Bowes
Bo & Chelsea (Pyrs), Flopsy (Pyr Shep) & Machin (Doxie)
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog!
bamb@monmouth.com

I wonder if you have heard of the new line of Dog show Barbies.

1. Dog Groomer Barbie - This Barbie is always brushing, trimming,
clipping and bathing. Her only draw back is that she is
constantly wet and covered with hair. Comes with clippers,
grooming table, comb, brushes, grooming smock, lint brush and
Band-Aids. This Barbie is so busy, her canine clients often look
better than she does.

2. Dog Handler Barbie - She comes with a moveable arm which can
be snapped into place for perfect show handling. No way to lose
with this Barbie beauty showing your mutt. She will do anything
to win. She has been known to sleep with judges. This Barbie
includes the book, "How to Suck Up and Win", along with many
pocketed outfits for showing. Motor home sold separately.

3. Dog Handler Assistant Barbie - She's a handler wannabe who
loves abuse. She is covered with hair, chalk and grooming spray.
She comes with her pockets stuffed with assorted leashes,
collars, combs, squeaker toys, and brushes. She is often seen
with a variety of spray bottles hanging from her belt. She always
smells of liver and has dark circles under her eyes. She has
permanent leash marks on her hands from dogs whose owners
insisted
they were trained. She comes with all of the above plus a stress
management video.

4. Dog Show Judge Barbie - This Barbie is looking for the right
dog. After many years of picking "losers" for men, Judge Barbie
is content finding "winners" in the dog ring. She comes with
clipboard, granny glasses, frumpy dress, the AKC guidelines on
the perfect dog, a white glove to detect foreign substances,
sensible shoes and a current rabies shot.

5. Dog Show Chairman Barbie - A blunder on our part, this Barbie
comes complete with a case of Lady Clairol, a prescription for
Prozac and an unlisted phone number.

6. Ring Steward Barbie - This Barbie is shy and reserved. She
wears Nike running shoes for those quick trips to the potty due
to lack of relief stewards. She comes with a map of the show
site, so she can find her way back to the ring, crying towel for
those inconsolable losers, rubberbands, armbands and a megaphone
for the hard of hearing. She also has a
monogrammed folding chair for her use only.

7. Junior Handler Barbie - She is always a winner in her own
mind. She comes complete with a short skirt, a ponytail, and a
bad attitude. Unfortunately her life span is very short.

8. Pooper-scooper Barbie - This Barbie has no sense of smell (for
obvious reasons) and is a glutten for punishment. She comes with
a pooper scooper, muck boots, an orange vest, a lighted miner's
helmet for those evening pickups, a sack of shavings, bleach, a
mop and a bucket. She is often found surrounded by flies and
"cleanup" is her middle name. She has a Certified Sanitation
Engineer Degree through her local Community College.

9. Dog Show Vendor Barbie - This Barbie is not cheap and neither
is her merchandise. She comes complete with a vending tent and
sunscreen. She also
has a variety of dog related items. If this Barbie doesn't have
it they don't make it.

10. Dog Show Photographer Barbie - This Barbie is truly a sight
to behold. Her photographer's vest is loaded with no less than
fifty rolls of assorted film and a multitude of squeaker toys to
get your dog's attention. She never takes a bad photo and will
refuse to shoot ugly dogs. If you mention her name in your ad,
she will give you extra 8 x 10's for free!

11. Whelping Barbie - This Barbie completes our line of Dog Show
Barbies.
She goes anywhere help is needed. She births babies at a moments
notice.
Comes with van, cell phone, dental floss, scissors, towels,
goat's milk, forceps, coffee, and a pillow for those endless
nights.

Author Unknown.  From Swedish Vallhund List. And Showpyrs. If you
know the author, please give credit.