[pyrnet] "sleeping dogs"...we can all relate

["Dennis & Marie McFarland" <lochsloy@eagnet.com>]

Too Funny!

> Whoever said 'LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep with dogs. The first
thing
> you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference
in
> weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.
>
> Rule Number One:
> The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog. Most people who sleep with dogs
> develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary
to
> move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning
> canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved
the
> center position on the bed - with all covers carefully tucked under them
for
> safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining
> territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can
> worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action
> from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
>
> Rule Number Two:
> Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed. As you cling to the edge
of
> the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a
volume
> you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams
> begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield
> and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep
> running," lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl
blasted
> through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call
haunts
> you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on
> sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boon cap.
>
> Rule Number Three:
> The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog. The night creeps on and you fall
> asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet
> slightly and the heap of dogflesh sleeps - breathing heavily and passing
> wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a
> distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position
itself
> centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains
> excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could
> romp all over your sleeping bodies - or the ever-loving insertion of a
tongue
> in an unsuspecting ear.
>
> Rule Number Four:
> When the dog wakes - you wake.  So, why do we put up with this? There's no
> sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together
at
> night - safe, contented, heavy and loud.
>
> Author Unknown.