[DL] (fiction) The sidekick's Lament

[Brom Clancy <spleen23@webtrolls.com>]

	Good evening humble server of strong drinks. 
My personal name is Po and my family name is Fat. 
See, already you smile, that is why I seldom use my 
ancestral name in this land of round-eyed devils, for 
they have no respect for the ancient and honorable 
name of Fat. For reasons I will not go into I am 
traveling in this land of white devils in order to 
guard the body of a madman. Wang Chou believes that 
it is his destiny to wonder the earth as did the hero 
princes of old, championing the righteous and 
protecting the innocent from the evils of wicked men 
and demons. (As I said, -a Madman-). Picture this 
Round eyes, two Chinese gentlemen walking into your 
town today, a energetic man in embroiderd silk robes 
and slippers, carrying a sword in a  ornate sheath 
over one shoulder, his long braided pony tail 
swinging with each step,  his bright green eyes 
darting about and meeting the disbelieving stares of 
men and women alike with the same idiotic smile. 
Behind him follows a short, dark and....robust man 
wearing a Mexican poncho and a wide brimmed hat. (And 
always with the walking, ”How better to know a land 
then to walk its miles” says the grinning madman, ”By 
seeing a lot of it while riding a horse” I reply for 
all the good it does me, dammed madman). 
	So we come to your town, stop in the middle 
of the street like a pair of idiots, and the madman 
gets a faraway look on his face “Their is evil in 
this place, I sense it “. (He says that in every 
town, as I said, a madman)  As always I sigh, “Right, 
can we get a drink now” he turns “Of course for did 
not the reverend sage Kao Li once say “Where men 
gather to drink, stories and wine are both spilled 
out”, we too shall find both within” (Ha! He’s always 
going on about same old dead wise man, and it always 
ends up leading us to some place with drinks and easy 
women. I said he was mad, not stupid) So off we go 
into the One eyed dog saloon, Chou with his gliding 
(or what I would call mincing) walk, each footstep 
leaving him in a position ready to spring into 
action, while I follow along trying my best 
to “mosey” like a round eye ( Hey, I just try fit 
in). 10 Minutes and most of a bottle of Redeye later 
I have to agree with the fool, their is something 
wrong with this town. Not even one single round eyed 
devil has stomped over and muttered something 
about “your kind ain’t welcome here”, not even the 
other drifters who wander into town during the rest 
of the short afternoon try to start any trouble, it 
just is not natural. As the sun goes down I get a 
feeling like some sort of pressure is building up, of 
course I try to talk the madman into leaving for the 
next town, ( I am no coward, but I am no hero either, 
I just do not see any reason to seek out things that 
will try to kill us and eat our souls, unless their 
is money involved) but I am doomed to failure, for as 
the sun sinks in the west, the ladies descend the 
stairs. Never before have I seen so much perfection 
in one place, each of the women is more perfect then 
the last, hair like burning fire or the blackest 
night, skin as pale as the finest porcelain, lips as 
red as fresh blood, eyes traveling over men’s bodies 
like hungry sharks. The sight of such perfection can 
cause only one response in any sane man, “We go now, 
time to leave, the doors that way, times wasting, we 
best be going now”.  Even a simple minded, blind 
child of 3 could figure out that their was something 
not right about 5 such women working as saloon gals 
in some throw away town like this.  So of course Wang 
Chou was already half way across the room introducing 
him self to them. Within minutes he and the round 
eyed drifters end up walking up the stairs arm in arm 
with the women, leaving only you and me sitting at 
the bar.
	Any minute now the women are probably going 
to turn into something nasty with sharp teeth and 
claws, and you are either going to sprout sharp bits 
of your own, or go for a gun as you slowly realize 
that the poison in the drinks you have served me are 
not going to effect me. I will end up killing you 
then running up the stairs to save the round eyes. 
Wang Chou will take care of himself ( I said he was a 
madman, not a weakling) 
	But before all this happens, I will finish my 
drink. You do at least chose a good whiskey for your 
poison.  Listen. First is the silence, then the 
yelling, and now the violence begins...