-----Original Message-----
From: rayrich@lexmark.com [mailto:rayrich@lexmark.com]
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2000 12:52 PM
To: steki@lycosmail.com; Stith-John@GALLS.com; bellattack@hotmail.com
Subject: Hope this starts your Friday right.....
> Guaranteed to offend everybody...
>
>
> Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
> Ask your mom.
>
> =============================================
> How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
> Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
>
> =============================================
> What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
> Say, "Nice dick."
>
> =============================================
> How do you know you're leading a sad life?
> When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
>
> =============================================
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
> Because they have cotton balls.
>
> =============================================
> Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day.
> > What do single guys have?
> > Palm Sunday
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
> > The closer you get to discharge, the better
> > you feel.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > What do you call a ninety year old man who
> > can still masturbate?
> > Miracle Whip.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > What does a 80 year old woman have between
> > her breasts?
> > Her navel.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > What has a whole bunch of little balls and
> > screws old ladies?
> > A bingo machine.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > What's the difference between a porcupine and a
> > BMW?
> > The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > Why did God create alcohol?
> > So ugly people have a chance to have sex
> > too.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > What did the blonde say when she found out
> > she was pregnant?
> > "Are you sure it's mine?"
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > What's the difference between beer nuts and
> > deer nuts?
> > Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are
> > always under a buck.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > What three two-letter words denote "small"?
> > "Is it in?"
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> > Mace will do that to you.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > If you are having sex with one woman and
> > another walks in, what
> > do
> > you have?
> > Divorce proceedings, most likely.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> > Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West
> > Virginia?
> > Everyone has the same DNA.
> >
> >
> > =============================================
> >
> > And Some To Offend Damn-Near Everyone. . .
> >
> > How can you tell the Irish guy is in the
> > hospital?
> > He's the one blowing the foam off of his
> > bedpan
> >
> > ===================
> > Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> > A different bar.
> >
> > ====================
> > Did you hear about the Chinese couple that
> > had a retarded baby?
> > They named him Sum Ting Wong.
> >
> > ===================
> > What would you call it when an Italian has
> > one arm shorter than
> > the other?
> > A speech impediment.
> >
> > ===================
> > What does it mean when the flag at the Post
> > Office is flying at
> > half mast?
> > They're hiring.
> >
> > ===================
> > Why do men find it difficult to make eye
> > contact?
> > Breasts don't have eyes.
> >
> > =======================
> > What do you call an Alabama farmer with a
> > sheep under each arm?
> > A pimp.
> > ==================
> > Why do drivers education classes in Redneck
> > schools use the car
> > only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed
> > class uses it.
> >
> > ==================
> > What's the difference between a southern zoo
> > and a northern zoo?
> > A southern zoo has a description of the
> > animal on the front of
> > the
> > cage, along with a recipe.
> >
> > =================
> > How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old
> > lady to say f*ck?
> > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to
> > yell *BINGO*!
> >
> > ===================
> > What's the difference between a northern
> > fairytale and a southern
> > fairytale?
> > A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a
> > time..."
> > A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't
> > gonna believe this
> > shit...
application/ms-tnef